Although I don’t quite sound like a Christian, I am a child of GOD in Jesus Christ. You might say that I have a filthy mouth or thoughts that are unbecoming that of a Christian, but WHO ARE YOU TO CRITICIZE ME? Besides, GOD ain't done working on me yet, and He's probably still working on YOU! I had to get that out to my readers so that they don't become confused or mislead by my writings. Whoever you are, just know that Jesus Christ is LORD! Now that I've cleared up any misconception you may or may not have had, let’s move on.
Today was a good day. After all, this is the day that the LORD has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it.
As I was saying, today was a good day. I got out of bed and washed up before going out to the big yard for my daily run. I ran two miles and walked two miles today. I also did some calisthenics to burn off some excess fat around my waistline. Afterwards, I had a shower, and got ready for supper. I can't seem to remember what I ate for dinner, but I do remember eating all of it, I was really hungry! I have only been eating one meal a day, so that I can burn off more calories than I put in my body. I am expecting to 
go home soon, and I need to get my bedroom suit back in shape for wife. She's already told me what she is going to do to my body when I get home, and well, I reckon I'll just let her have her way with me. Besides, there are some things that I'm gonna do to her body as well! Maybe I'll just act like that plant in The Little Shop of Horrors, and say, FEED ME WOMAN, FEED ME NOW!
I really enjoy talking to my wife on the phone because it keeps me sane in this mad house. Although today she was being an asshole and teasing me about something that happened many years ago when we were driving on the highway from Virginia to Michigan. When I reflect back on the situation, I suppose it was quite hilarious from an outsider’s perspective. One would have to understand that my wife is quite the well educated and sophisticated woman who was brought up in a well nourished and virtuous homestead. I, on the other hand, come from a dysfunctional family. I don't quite understand how the two of us hit it off so well, but perhaps it was an act of GOD. Anyway, what happened was this:
We were driving to Michigan, and I think that we were on the Pennsylvania Turnpike just about dusk I was wearing sunglasses, and trying to act cool, you know, for my image's sake. I was driving while my wife slept in the passenger’s seat. Suddenly I saw a pair eyes on the side of the road, and it looked like a panther to me. Anyway, as I was just about to pass it, it lunged at the car as though it was attacking prey. I could feel and hear the tires rumple over the animal, and I immediately panicked I became quite hysterical and locked my hands and arms on the steering wheel and begin to screech in horror. Naturally my wife instantly woke up from this excitement
R: I hit it, I took a life, oh GOD, help me!!!!
Wife: R, just calm down, it's okay!
R: It was a panther, and I killed it, I killed it!!!
Wife; Just calm down, it's okay, just relax!
R: We have to stop and go back to see what it was, and see if it still alive!
Wife: R, just calm down, and TAKE THOSE DAMN SUNGLASSES OFF!!!
R; Okay! But it was a panther, and we need to go back and check to see if it's still alive!
Wife: R, there are no panthers in this part of the country, maybe it was a deer!
R: No, it was a panther, and he thought that we were food!
Wife: Okay, if you say it was a panther, it was a panther, but just calm down and relax!
Naturally I was shaken up so bad that my wife had to take over the driving, at least until I had calmed down some. She teased me about it on the phone today, and she still insists that it was not a panther, but how the hell would she know; she was sleeping when it happened. She claims that I was screaming like a bitch, but she probably would have reacted the same way or maybe worse had it been her who hit the panther. Anyway, I wasn't screaming like a bitch, I was just concerned about the animal. She still thinks that I was hallucinating, even after all these years, and still she insists that it was not a panther, even though she is wrong! I know what I saw, and she could not have seen it while she was sleeping!
Note from the Wife - I'm not saying that he saw a panther, I'm not saying that he didn't see a panther, but lot's of people see lot's of things that shouldn't be were they are...here's a neat site - www.Cryptozoology.com - there are many stories about panther sightings...this one caught my eye, since it has a family of black panthers in it. Oh yeah, it was not dusk, it was midnight - why would I be sleeping at dusk? This idiot is wearing those crap-ass blu-blocker sunglasses from back in the day (which apparently are still around), because he insists that they make him see better. Yeah!
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