Courtesy of the State

One Upped (Again)

Excitement around the joint was obscure today - about as obscure as real eggs, steak, soda pop or peace and quiet in here - with one exception...talking on the phone to my baby, my wife G. She always can bring out hidden passions in me, like no one else. I suppose that comes from our past together. After the call, I got 5 miles in around the track, and had a regenrating hot shower, where I thought about my wife even more since we always used to shower together.

You'd think that I was a celebrity in this place because the guys all want to know me. I really don't care for the attention because so many of the men here are living in an alternate reality. I suppose that it comes with incarceration - fabricating and exaggerating one's "illustrious lifestyle" prior to their current unfortunate present incarceration. Of course, these former big shots don't get mail, don't have anyone to call, and are always begging cigerettes, etc from me.  A great number of the men here tend to overrate their previous staus in their respective communities in order to obtain favor and have their egos massaged by the so-called big shots around this joint. Personally, I think that it is a waste of time and energy. Who cares what antoehr prisoner thinks or admires in the material realm? This is the very thing that got so many of us in here. I am so tired of hearing so much bullshit! I'll be so happy when I leave this joint for home! I will be so happy to hear my wife ragging on me about this or that because it is much better than the crap I'm dealing with now!

That woman can really get to me sometimes, but I'd much rather hear it form her than to hear it from these idiots in here. I remember a time when my wife was ragging on me about somehting I had done, or didn't do - I still don't know, but I know she had my blood pressure boiling!  I was so damn mad that I attempted to provoke her by screaming obcscenities at her. I guess the reason I go so made was that I was unsuccessful in my attempts to pick a fight. She was using 'chology on me - aka PSYCH'cology.  We were outside about to go somewhere in our car when the argument took place.

Me: Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!

Wife: I'm not a bitch.

Me: Ho!

Wife: I"m not a whore.

Me: Pussy ass bitch!

Wife: Yes, I do have a pussy, but you won't seeing it any time soon.

I became so angry that I threw my bottle of beer down and broke it on the cement, which gave her  fodder to begin mocking and taunting me...

Wife: (imitating my voice in a childish way, doing a mock internal monologue) "Well, I'm just gonna throw my beer down and break it on the ground - that will show her."

Me:  Fuck you bitch!

Wife: I've already explained that won't be happening.

me: Asshole!

Wife: I don't think so.

After this last exchange, we got into the car, and I was gonna get her by giving her the silent treatment, but she won't let me. She's really pushing my buttons, and worse yet, she's winning the argument. She made me feel like that g-damn doctor did when he put his finger in my ass and wanted to talk to me while he was doing it.

Wife: (imitating me again) I'm not talking to you, I'm just gonna sit here and be mad!

Me: Hey look, don't say anything to me before I kick out your fucking belly button!

Wife: And why would you want to do that?

Me: I don't want to talk to you!

Wife: Well dear, we're going to have to talk sooner or later, it will go better for you if you just accept it now. (shades of the doctor and his finger in my ass again).

Me: I don't have to do a damn thing except be black and die!

Wife: Well that is true, but why are you so angry?

Me: I'm done talking, just talk to the steering wheel or something!

I tell you the truth, that woman has a way of dealing with me like no other. It probably comes from her elite ivy league education, where they learn all that right wing politically correct bullshit. On the other hand, there's just something that I love about the woman that makes me a sucker for her. Maube its the way she talks, or maybe the way she wears her hair. Maybe it's her appearance of innocence and inexperience that turns me on, but all in all, I think she's a good woman, rarer than rubies.

I've said enough for one day - perhaps I can go fiind the Acting Resident Unit Supervisor and pick a fuckin' fight with her!

R.

Tags: Prison Life , Prison Phone Calls , Life in Prison , Auto Biography .

Panther v Car

Although I don’t quite sound like a Christian, I am a child of GOD in Jesus Christ. You might say that I have a filthy mouth or thoughts that are unbecoming that of a Christian, but WHO ARE YOU TO CRITICIZE ME? Besides, GOD ain't done working on me yet, and He's probably still working on YOU! I had to get that out to my readers so that they don't become confused or mislead by my writings. Whoever you are, just know that Jesus Christ is LORD! Now that I've cleared up any misconception you may or may not have had, let’s move on.

Today was a good day. After all, this is the day that the LORD has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it.

As I was saying, today was a good day. I got out of bed and washed up before going out to the big yard for my daily run. I ran two miles and walked two miles today. I also did some calisthenics to burn off some excess fat around my waistline. Afterwards, I had a shower, and got ready for supper. I can't seem to remember what I ate for dinner, but I do remember eating all of it, I was really hungry! I have only been eating one meal a day, so that I can burn off more calories than I put in my body. I am expecting to go home soon, and I need to get my bedroom suit back in shape for wife. She's already told me what she is going to do to my body when I get home, and well, I reckon I'll just let her have her way with me. Besides, there are some things that I'm gonna do to her body as well! Maybe I'll just act like that plant in The Little Shop of Horrors, and say, FEED ME WOMAN, FEED ME NOW!

I really enjoy talking to my wife on the phone because it keeps me sane in this mad house. Although today she was being an asshole and teasing me about something that happened many years ago when we were driving on the highway from Virginia to Michigan. When I reflect back on the situation, I suppose it was quite hilarious from an outsider’s perspective. One would have to understand that my wife is quite the well educated and sophisticated woman who was brought up in a well nourished and virtuous homestead. I, on the other hand, come from a dysfunctional family. I don't quite understand how the two of us hit it off so well, but perhaps it was an act of GOD. Anyway, what happened was this:

We were driving to Michigan, and I think that we were on the Pennsylvania Turnpike just about dusk I was wearing sunglasses, and trying to act cool, you know, for my image's sake. I was driving while my wife slept in the passenger’s seat. Suddenly I saw a pair eyes on the side of the road, and it looked like a panther to me. Anyway, as I was just about to pass it, it lunged at the car as though it was attacking prey. I could feel and hear the tires rumple over the animal, and I immediately panicked I became quite hysterical and locked my hands and arms on the steering wheel and begin to screech in horror. Naturally my wife instantly woke up from this excitement

R: I hit it, I took a life, oh GOD, help me!!!!

Wife: R, just calm down, it's okay!

R: It was a panther, and I killed it, I killed it!!!

Wife; Just calm down, it's okay, just relax!

R: We have to stop and go back to see what it was, and see if it still alive!

Wife: R, just calm down, and TAKE THOSE DAMN SUNGLASSES OFF!!!

R; Okay! But it was a panther, and we need to go back and check to see if it's still alive!

Wife: R, there are no panthers in this part of the country, maybe it was a deer!

R: No, it was a panther, and he thought that we were food!

Wife: Okay, if you say it was a panther, it was a panther, but just calm down and relax!

Naturally I was shaken up so bad that my wife had to take over the driving, at least until I had calmed down some. She teased me about it on the phone today, and she still insists that it was not a panther, but how the hell would she know; she was sleeping when it happened. She claims that I was screaming like a bitch, but she probably would have reacted the same way or maybe worse had it been her who hit the panther. Anyway, I wasn't screaming like a bitch, I was just concerned about the animal. She still thinks that I was hallucinating, even after all these years, and still she insists that it was not a panther, even though she is wrong! I know what I saw, and she could not have seen it while she was sleeping!

Note from the Wife - I'm not saying that he saw a panther, I'm not saying that he didn't see a panther, but lot's of people see lot's of things that shouldn't be were they are...here's a neat site - www.Cryptozoology.com - there are many stories about panther sightings...this one caught my eye, since it has a family of black panthers in it. Oh yeah, it was not dusk, it was midnight - why would I be sleeping at dusk? This idiot is wearing those crap-ass blu-blocker sunglasses from back in the day (which apparently are still around), because he insists that they make him see better. Yeah! 

Tags: Prison Life , Christian Life , Humor , Auto Biography .